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A few months ago my husband’s work hours started changing so that he is home for dinner 2 to 3 weeknights and weekends.
Around the same time I was researching ways to get over a certain chronic health problem of mine and one suggestion was to take a 20 minute walk after dinner each night.
I started asking my husband if he wanted to join me and most nights he said yes.
What happened next wasn’t at all what I expected.
The Importance Of Making Time For Meaningful Conversation In Marriage
On our walks we began sharing about our day in deeper ways than, “how was your day?” “Oh, fine.”
We discussed problems arising with our children and how we should handle them–and by not doing this in front of the children we are now a unified team and the children are not able to play the classic game of, “well mom thinks…” or, “well dad thinks…”
We also began dreaming…mostly about what we want to do when the children leave the nest. Although I will be sad to see the children go, I love the idea of having a dream to reach for to take my mind off what is such a heart transforming period in parenting.
In a nutshell, we began communicating on a much deeper level than we have in years.
With me being an early bird, my brain is mush once 8pm rolls around; my husband is a night owl and early morning conversations overload his system.
For couple time we use to put the children to bed by 7 and chat for 30 minutes or so before I headed to bed myself. If my husband had the day off, nap time was our time to chat.
But the children gave up naps long ago and we reached the stage of parenthood years ago where the children are up long past 7 pm. But as we reached these new stages we never adjusted our schedules to make room for daily couple communication time.
Oh, we talked to each other every day but with children underfoot we tended to keep things on a surface only level. Children just don’t need to overhear certain conversations, but we parents still need to have those conversations if we are going to keep our marriage meaningful.
Sure we have always made time to date each other at least a few times a month, but most dates are spent out in public places where you don’t tend to get into deep conversation like you can walking side by side for a mile or two. Plus, date night (as I said) only happens perhaps once or twice a month. For a marriage relationship to stay deep you need more time to engage in meaningful conversation than that.
Are You Making Time For Deep Conversation In Your Marriage?
I am loving having deep conversation–on a regular basis–back in my marriage. I cannot stress enough how it makes me feel more connected to my husband.
If you don’t have time to talk one on one as a couple each day, or at the very least several days a week, I encourage you to sit down with your spouse and figure out how to make it happen.
The time doesn’t need to be long, 15 minutes of one on one uninterrupted conversation 3 to 4 days a week is a great goal to shoot for.
By uninterrupted I mean TV off and smartphones face down with sound off. Face one another–better yet hold hands or cuddle up to each other. No children allowed to wander in.
If your children are old enough to be home alone, I highly recommend trying going for a walk around the neighborhood together. There is something about walking that just gets true, from the heart conversation going. I know that I verbally process thoughts better while walking and I don’t think I am alone in this.
Use this time to dream, but also use it for the practical. Where do you dream of spending a, “just the 2 of you,” vacation? Brainstorm ways to make it happen! What did the children do today that drove you crazy? Brainstorm how to handle it as a unified front. Ask meaningful questions. How does your spouse really feel about his job? What is inspiring him lately?
I am curious: do you and your spouse have a regular one on one conversation time several times a week?
psst…I first talked about this finding on periscope, I would love to have you follow me there. You can find me at @SnailPaceTrans or Victoria Huizinga.
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